Well I have decided to vote for Barack Obama in 2012. I know, I know, I just wrote "I have not forgotten" last week.
No, nothing in there has changed.
But I was at POLITICO this evening and there was Tom Hanks explaining he was voting for Barack Obama.
Tom Hanks, for goodness sake!
Tom Hanks, the bad actor who has given the same performance in every damn film.
Tom Hanks, the bad actor who audiences were hissing at as the '90s closed and who they now avoid at the cinema.
Tom Hanks, the awful actor who had a cute phase that lasted all of two minutes and today resembles a fatter Richard Nixon.
Tom Hanks, the war cheerleading asshole.
Tom Hanks, the original Mr. Hanky.
Tom Hanks, whose upcoming film with Julia Roberts has a trailer that was booed the last time I went to the movies.
Now if that Tom Hanks is voting for Mr. Obama, I must as well, right?
I mean, I was not even planning on marrying a woman until Tom Hanks married Rita Wilson. Shortly after, I seduced Rita at a Tupperware Party, got her drunk and hauled her off to Vermont and married her. Tom, if you need to contact her, e-mail me, okay?
Rita says hi, by the way, and that it is so nice not to have to share a bed with you "and your gassy stomach" anymore.
America, stop the primaries, end the debate, and discussion. If Tom Hanks has spoken, it is law of the land.
(No, I will not be voting for the War Criminal Barack Obama.)
This is C.I.'s "Iraq snapshot" for today: